Some Reflection...

With the beginnings of my legs coming back from the near dead of overuse, I have been reflecting on the past year.  Almost one year ago was the worst time of my life.  I had injured myself in a work related accident a year before and was told that since the surgery required was very dangerous and that so far nothing was impinging on my nerves; that nothing would be done other than trying to make me feel better with drugs.  I would now be partially disabled.  Some people would look at me weird because I couldn't move my neck and some would just feel sorry for me. And, coming from being a very physically active person with a very active family, this caused severe emotional stress and I proceeded to gain a lot of weight.  This weight gain caused even more stress.  And, then I lost the most important person in my life other than my son...my best friend.  I can't blame her.
I wanted out.  I saw no future for me.  My son, family, and friends kept close.  They believed in me more than I believed in myself.  They were there
when I needed them and tried to make me laugh through the tears.  I had a hard time trying to vent and cycling was there to help.  I focused my effort into a mighty goal.  Sebring 12hr.  I had always wanted to ride in this event and I knew that I had some talent.  Fortunately, the bike that I was riding was a perfect match already, but lacked the goal oriented person to ride it.
With nothing but time, I focused and rode hard!  Everyday!  I would sleep 3 to 4 hours a night, go to work, and then ride.  I rode hard and then started running hard as my legs got stronger.  Some weeks were seeing 350 miles on the bike and 25 miles in the shoes.  I would show up to the hard rides; the ones that I would get dropped on and get dropped some more.  It was so difficult.  I signed up for a time trial series.  I would not finish first or even the top 3.  How would I finish a 12hr race at the top if the average ride I trained at wasn't at the same pace required? I didn't quit!  I was starting to believe in myself.  I would tell people I was going to win Sebring.  I think they thought I was crazy! I trucked on and won new supportive friends.  I started to get faster.  This translated to pushing me into other events and I started winning.  I gained the use of my neck with new muscle growth.  Sebring was still lingering.  As time passed, my riding started to pay off.  Average speeds were up and with the ever present pain in my neck, I was winning.
Sebring came and I did my best.  I won!  I learned so much about myself through all this time.  I learned that no matter what happens in my life, there are others that are dealing with the same things as me or worse.  I learned to believe in myself and believe in others and salute their accomplishments for we are all different.  I learned that the worst things you can say to me are "I feel sorry for you".  Leave those people behind that ever look at you funny or feel sorry for you.  These people will hold you back!  If they are in your way, go somewhere else or go around.  Find a way to succeed! Your legs may not work one day, but with continued work, they will if you don't give up. If you look for a way, eventually you will find it.  Maybe not today, but someday. 
The most important thing I have learned is acceptance.  I am normal.  I am different.  There will, FOR SURE, be times of pain and defeat and there WILL be times of greatness.  Accept both and be all the better for the both and maintain goals.
My goals right now are not fixed.  I am in recovery mode and I want to enjoy the time that I have on my bike right now...truly enjoy it.  It is nice to be ranked number one in something(there is still many faster), but not the most important thing in my life.  I want to be the best dad I can be even if that means sacrificing rides to do it as a good dad is there for his son. Living a great life is what I want to do and am doing!